Runaway

How Kanye feels about the bird is how I feel about a certain somebody. I had a long blog in mind but I'll keep this one simple

Flawed

It took me a while, but I realized that I am a very flawed individual. I make a lot of mistakes and there were times that I went left when I should gone right. My desire to please people left me empty a lot of the times. If it meant lying I did it, if it meant going broke I did it and the choices that I made when dealing w/ women were sometimes questionable. Many times I just did too much or not enough. I figure that if doing wrong got me in some of these fucked up positions, I'm going to try and see what doing right will get me. At the end of the day I just want to live a simple life; watch my kids grow up and grow old with my lady. Sabotaging my happiness will not get me there. Until the next time, live life abundantly.

Keeping it real

I see its been a while since I emptied my brain on here. A lot has changed since I last posted something. I'm still in this shit hole called Iraq. I moved to a new location a few months back. My work hours have increased as well as my stress level. My gym time decreased drastically and I'm only averaging about one full meal a day so I've lost 10 lbs. I go on RnR and I can't wait. I need it, because I'm burned out. When I get back I'll have 3 months left in country when I get back.

For once I'm actually looking forward to the future. I usually live day to day because thinking about my career, my kids, my impending divorce, and a certain somebody (who shall remain nameless till my divorce is final) was just getting to be too much. I have to tell myself everyday that I just need to go w/ the flow and quit making my own plans because in the end it will be up to the Good Lord.

I know one thing is for certain, it feels damn good to have a person in my life that i can be 100% honest w/. For the longest time I had issues w/ trust because I was always worried about the consequences. I used to lie to my soon to be ex wife on a regular basis because I just didn't want to deal w/ her attitude. A lot of people kill their relationships with other people because they don't know that impact out weighs intent. You can mean one thing, but it can be perceived differently.

I may not have it all the way together but I win more than I lose and that's all that matters. Well until the next time I decide to put in my random 2 cents, live life abundantly.

Oh yeah, the reasoning behind the pic is that that is my image of what a partnership should be. Two people loving each other, and not constantly attacking each other because of insecurities.

Re Eval

So I failed today. Did something I haven't done in over 4 years. Failed a timed 2 mile run. I could make a lot of excuses as to why I didn't pass. I'm flat footed, got 2 messed up ankles that effect the rest of my body. In turn I have to work extra hard at what comes with ease to people with normal lower extremities. But I won't bitch because I'm healthy and I have to feet and 2 legs where as some people don't have that. Because I failed, somebody who I respected told me I don't deserve to be in the position I'm in. I'll take it as constructive criticism, but I will not let anybody tell me what I do and do not deserve. I've been at the bottom many times and I've never given up on life. Its just time to regroup and refocus. Time work past the point of pain and break my body down then build it back up. I hate losing and i refuse to make same mistakes.

90 days in

So 3 months down and 9 to go. Finally started running on a somewhat regular basis. It hasn't been easy since I'm out of cardio shape. I miss the days when I could run 2 miles with no problem. Stepped on the scale and I'm up to 198. 42" chest and 15 1/2" arms. Put up 225 4 times with no help so I'm getting stronger. I think I might cut back on the supplements and just go with protein. It's getting expensive and I've got other things I need to save my money for. Well that's all for now. Holla back in a month.

Month 2

Month 2. Time has been going by at a decent rate. Finally started running. Not consistently but I started. This gut just doesn't want to go away. Been hovering around 195. Same supplements, Creatine, ZMA and Protein.

1 More Rep

So I've been working out consistently since I've been deployed. Mostly lifting. Haven't done a lot of cardio like I should. The weather hasn't been cooperating. Running is not one of my favorite things to do anyways. I might add some more circuit workouts to my routine. Today I ordered some ZMA. Its a Zinc and Magnesium supplement that boost your testosterone. I'm trying to keep it strictly natural. I just ordered one bottle so we will check the results and see whether or not I will keep up with it. I'm not using any pro-hormones or steroids. It makes lifting a little harder and more frustrating but I don't want the side effects that come with it.

Lifting weights has been my therapy. Being deployed is never easy. It's like doing time. So I keep my mind occupied. I just like going and being able to make changes to my body. I remember being the skinny kid in high school that was never popular with the females. I was 144 when I joined the Army about 5 years ago. now I'm 193. Looking good is nice, but I appreciate the health benefits that come with it. The big challenge will come when I get back to the States and I have all the distractions of the world. I'll most likely join a gym, since I know if I pay for it ill be more inclined to go. Plus I might look into MMA. Its the latest craze, but it gives you the best all around work out. Well that's all from .the Cradle of Civilization. Until the next one, be easy