Pursuit of Happyness

The one thing about being Iraq is that you get to spend a lot of time alone with your thoughts. Now this can be a good or a bad thing. Self analyzing is always good, but an idle mind can also be the devil's work shop instead of God's factory. Sometimes I think about the effect that my immaturity and bad decisions have had on my soon to be ex wife. Believe it or not, at one point in my life I was an "Ain't Shit Nigga." I did a lot of stuff to her that I am not proud of. I think about what the next dude she has a relationship will have to deal with because of me.

It doesn't take me long to figure out because I've had to deal with the same issue with women that I've been involved with in the past. I also have had actions and reactions that were the result of past relationships. Last summer a very good friend of mine told me that I sabotage my happiness. 27 at the time, I hadn't figured something that simple out. A good thing could come and slap me in the face and I'll tell it to keep it moving because I didn't feel like I deserved it. Just like many people, I too have let other people decide whether or not I will be happy.

We all try to lie to ourselves and say that we won't live in our pasts, but we are creatures of habit. After getting burned by the hot stove enough, you will quit touching it. Same with relationships. After enough heartbreak you will shut down and make yourself unavailable to new people that come in your life. But heartbreak is the beautiful thing about life. If everything was perfect and went right, life would be boring. Pain keeps you mentally agile and keeps life interesting. The goal is to not let it hinder you from moving forward. Sometimes for you to grow, that person you are dealing with has to go. Keep the good lessons and throw out the bad. Making somebody pay for the mistakes of somebody else is never cool. Its kind of like going to the drive through and the person at the window says you have to pay for the lunch of the person that was in front of you and is long gone. Until the next one, live life abundantly.